How Could I Go to My House to Make Love to My Wife?

My dad is a man of many stories and he loved telling them. At the very top of his story chart is his peer group’s Right of Passage ceremony into manhood. He and his peers endured weeks of rigorous disciplines, spiritual sacrifices and many rounds of dances and lashes. Only the fickle-hearted and feeble-bodied fail this test. The last 10 days was spent as a group completely isolated from every other person in the village. Families were consoled by the knowledge that their boy was becoming a man… that’s of course if he survives it.

The many activities of the ceremony easily shrouds one of the most important take-away of the process: the deep bonding that occurs between the boys-to-men. Just as two iron rods won’t merge until they both undergo intense heat, common intense suffering has its way of providing sufficient heat to bond two independent souls. And that is what happened. After this period of experiencing the same difficult situation, he and his peers responded to stimulus in a similar way, sought out similar features in girls to court, adopted secret codes familiar only to them and were willing to fight for and would readily die for each other. These results are not strange; they are the result of common intense suffering.

As it was with my father’s age group, so it was for King David and his men. A little premise would help this story:

David killed the giant Goliath.

David became unprecedentedly famous.

King Saul became insecure and declares him personae non gratae.

David ran into hiding in caves.

Then something interesting happened: “everyone who was in distress, everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was discontented gathered to him. So he became captain over them,” (1 Samuel 22:2.) Interesting bunch of followers don’t you think?

As it often happens, good things rise from strange places. David’s distressed, indebted and discontented men did not remain so. They metamorphosed into one of history’s most lethal mercenary army with 30 of them forming an impregnable wall around David and earning the alias, “David’s Mighty Men.” The common intense suffering they overcame bonded them into one body with strict codes of behaviour. One of these codes is that they do not indulge in sexual relations with their wives (or any other woman for that matter) during an expedition (Ref.: 1 Samuel 21:5.)

Years later David, now King, tried to manipulate one of his 30 Mighty Men into breaking their code. Another premise may help those unfamiliar with the story:

King David did not go to war.

He allowed himself get tempted by a beautiful woman – Uriah’s wife.

He slept with and impregnated her.

He recalled Uriah from the warfront, intoxicated him with the finest palace wine and tried to get him to go home and make love to his already pregnant wife.

King David nearly succeeded. Nearly. Uriah then asked his king this Legendary Question: “My commander and king's men are camped for war. How could I go to my house to make love to my wife?”(2 Samuel 11:11.)

There was no way Uriah would fall for it. Choosing pleasure – even a legitimate one with his wife – at the cost of breaking a code was too much to ask; not even the king or the choicest palace wine could get him to capitulate.

How does this Legendary Question concern us? For one, we share a common intense suffering, one that binds us together irrespective of colour or culture. This is the suffering of Jesus on the cross. When he suffered we all suffered. And the result of his suffering is a code that teaches us to choose our kingdom’s cause above personal pleasure – at all times.

Whenever we are faced with a  choice – and we will – our choice should always be the code rather than ourselves. After all, all things are legitimate for us but not all are beneficial. All are legitimate for us but we shall not be brought under the power of any.